The End Is Nigh (I Hope!)

The past two months have been a challenge to my sanity. Working out a way to begin biologic treatments has become a part-time job. After wrestling with the insurance company for weeks then spending a few days on the phone with the Humira people, I have finally FINALLY picked up my starter kit.

I have tried pretty much every pill in the book in an attempt to gain control over my symptoms with minimal success. I have wasted an incredible amount of time and money because my doctor prefers the "bottom up" approach, which also makes sense to me. If a cheaper drug with fewer or less serious side effects works - it's better to find that out than to jump straight to the hardcore stuff. If I had to choose again, and I probably will someday, I would likely make the same decision. I'm lucky in that my symptoms, although present on a daily basis for over a year, were never so serious that emergency action was needed.

Much of my energy has been focused on getting access to Humira without going into debt for quite a while. I am relieved to finally have the medicine in my possession, but the relief has been overshadowed by my fear.

I am terrified. Over the past year, as each drug failed then each combination of drugs failed, I knew that there was always another option. I knew I always had biologics to fall back on and now here I am, two days away from two shots of Humira.

My fears range from the trite (I have to stick a needle into my body???!!!) to the completely absurd (someone will probably cough on me on the subway and I will be the next Swine Flu casualty). Then there are the reasonable fears:

Is my insurance company really going to reimburse me 80% of the fortune I spent at the pharmacy yesterday?

Am I going to tolerate this stuff?

Should I really be injecting something into my body that has only been on the market for seven years?

What if biologics don't work for me?

I have read through just about everything ever written about Humira. There is so much information out there and it's hard to know what's true. I guess it's out of my hands now. I'm going to stop reading now and hope for the best.