Troubled Sleep

I'm having trouble sleeping tonight. There is a sharp pain in my right knee that's radiating up my leg into my thigh. I wore some new shoes today, those minimal sneakers. (Not the toe shoes! I'll try not to judge you if you wear them.) I walked a lot and carried some heavy things up and down many stairs. I also have pain in my shoulders, though it's the kind that only hurts if I'm using those muscles. This leg pain is there no matter which position I choose.  I just took two Tylenol. We'll see what happens.

This pain is familiar. It's been with me intermittently for most of my life. I remember lying in bed and trying to sleep as a small child, but the pain radiating up my leg wouldn't let me. The doctor said it was growing pains. I stopped growing almost 20 years ago.

For breakfast this morning, I had a boiled egg and tortilla with coffee. It wasn't too bad. I only had to go twice before I left. I want to give up the coffee but it's really all I have left. Is it so bad that I have one cup of coffee every morning? I skipped lunch because I didn't want to push my luck. For dinner, I finally cooked the dried black beans I've had in the cupboard for over a year. I think I was testing the waters. I had a small bowl and two ribs that I cooked in with the beans along with some homemade, baked corn tortilla chips. Aside from my normal post-meal bloat, it went pretty well! I guess the Humira is working. 

I handed in my final requirements today and received my diploma in return. I officially have a master's degree. I'm a photographer. Officially. 

Last night I had crazy, unsettling dreams. Nothing terrifying, just filled with stress and anxiety. I might be trying to avoid a repeat.

The family that lives above us is running their air conditioner even though there is a nice, cool breeze blowing in over the water. The condensation is steadily dripping onto our air conditioner below with a loud thwack, thwack, thwack. I'm never going to sleep.

Stream of Consciousness

I spend every day obsessing over what I'm eating or drinking and when.  I have to find a balance between a headache and a stomachache.  Eat something in the morning, but not enough that I get sick at school or on the way there.  Then eat a little between classes and drink some water, but not enough to upset my stomach.  I'm dehydrated.  My head hurts.  I'm whining again.  Too much.

When I come home late at night, I binge.  I'm so hungry.  I know I will be in the bathroom several times, as long as I'm awake.  I can't eat vegetables or the pain will be horrible, so I eat starchy, salty things.  Crap void of nutrition which will only make me feel worse in the long run.  But at least the hunger is gone now.

A handful of vitamins and a bunch of water, which I choke down because I know there is nausea to follow.  I work late into the night because I know I will have to pay in the morning.

I sleep.  I wake up.  I go to the bathroom.  I go again.  Time to start obsessing.  I have to if I want to keep this up.  I think I'm doing a good job hiding it.  I'm always either hungry or in pain or tired because constantly fighting hunger or pain is just so damn exhausting.  It takes me longer to learn things because  my focus on my work is always secondary to what my body won't let me ignore.  I can't stop obsessing because, if I do, I will likely shit myself in public, which would be the worst outcome.  I've worked so hard to avoid it.  So far, my only victory.  Well, that and I haven't missed a single class or extra activity the school has scheduled for us.  That's something, right?  

I don't talk about it much, at least I don't think I do.  The person who matters most to me thinks I'm whiny and dramatic, possibly a hypochondriac.  I don't want anyone at school to know, I need to work in a couple of months and I don't want to be the sick person no one wants to hire.  I was quiet for a while, then I decided to feed off my illness because it feels like all I have right now, make it part of my work.  I immediately regretted making it a part of the conversation.

My mind is weak with anxiety.  I'm constantly anxious, cripplingly anxious.  I second guess every decision I make.  I'm not the same person at all as my well self.  I'm a total mess.  I have no confidence, I hate the way I look.  I scrutinize everything I say and do.  I'm so nervous about leaving the apartment that I do crazy, crazy things before I leave.  I make sure I've turned off the stove, even if I haven't used it since the night before.  Is the fridge closed?  The window locked?

I try so hard not to talk about it to my husband because I know it's boring and it gets old.  When I have to explain that I don't want a salad for dinner because it will make me too sick, I scream it at him.  Angry because he made me whine about it, prove I am a whiny person.  Then I hate myself for being weak, sick, angry, for taking it out on him.  I want to have a salad for dinner because my body craves the raw vegetables.  That's all I eat when I'm healthy.  That's all I want right now.  But, in the end, it would be a bad decision.

When I do speak about my illness, there is no shortage of advice.  "Eat rice, it will bind you up.  Take Vitamin D.  Get some rest.  You just need some exercise."  I can't explain to someone that my immune system is tearing up my digestive system.  That I don't have a bout of diarrhea, I have inflammation and ulcers in my intestines that will not allow my body to properly digest food.  Toast and bananas are not going to be easier on my stomach.  If I take a day off, I will not be able to catch up on my school work.  You can't believe I have that much school work?  Well I don't know what to tell you.  There's no way food can enter and exit my body in less than two hours?  If you say so.  They can't understand.  I wouldn't either if I didn't live this every day.    

I'm angry with myself because I haven't done enough work, my apartment is filthy, I fell because I haven't replaced the boots that have no tread left, I'm taking the wrong supplements because I haven't shopped for the right ones yet, I'm out of shape, I'm not making any money, I haven't spoken to my family enough this week, there is no food in the fridge, I'm not drinking enough water or eating the right things.  I don't even know where to start this to-do list with another, overwhelming to-do list of assignments/preparing to start a business is already on the page.  A few hours of shopping could wipe me out for the day and I won't have the energy left to finish what I need to do.  I don't look sick, I can't possibly be that weak... 

I've kept all of this up, every day, for months.   

I could just get back on Humira, but I'm getting older.  My window for having children is closing and I would rather not risk the medication.  In a few more months, I will be finished with school and, that's it, I will have no more excuses.  But how can I do this AND raise children?  I'm afraid that I can't.  I'm afraid that I will let myself, my husband and, worst of all, my children down.   

I'm so afraid of everything right now.   

I'm Back Here

So yesterday was the first day of my second semester of grad school.  It's been tough, I can't say I've ever worked harder in my life, but the rewards are tremendous.  I've learned and grown so much. 

The workload, however, became more than I could handle during normal waking hours.  I spent the last month of the fall semester staying up all night and sleeping for a few hours in the morning before starting all over again.  It caught up to me.  After Thanksgiving, my long, luxurious remission officially ended.  I'm sick again.  For real this time.

I met with my doctor the week school ended.  I'm going to try Pentasa for a couple of weeks to see if it helps.  With all of my holiday travels (and holiday tests of my stomach's maximum capacity), I'm not sure I've given it a fair shot yet.  I think I will wait to the end of this week to determine whether or not it's working.  I'm hoping I caught it early enough this time and I won't need anything more than a few pills.

Yesterday I held off on eating until 6:00pm, at which point I had a few rice cakes.  My stomach is far more sensitive in the mornings so I decided a light snack at dinner time followed by stuffing my face when I get home at 11pm will probably work best.  The problem is, the splitting headache I got in the middle of my late class.  The school has a single restroom for the ladies and it is directly outside of our classroom.  So you see my dilemma.  Better to starve than to have to use that bathroom for an emergency.  I'm hoping the Pentasa works.  I'm not interested in the Humira vs The Insurance Company battle right now.   

Day 186

I read a tweet this morning about Crohnies and extreme heat and it got me to thinking...

It's been hot here in New York.  Really hot.  For months (okay, more like a week).  I "don't do well" in the heat.  I haven't since I was young.  I used to play softball in the summer and, while everyone else was doing just fine, my face would turn bright red and I would not be able to cool down.  I remember jumping in the community pool after the games and feeling my face burn against the cool water.  It would take me hours to return to normal.

Then there's now.  We went to a photography school/gallery/cool, temporary space made from freight containers last weekend (http://photovillenyc.org/).  The walk to the park wasn't so bad, but we ended up entering the wrong side of the park and walking in the sun for, I don't know, ten minutes?  Now, I just want to say here, I am a walker.  I live in New York.  We walk and we walk fast.  It's part of living here.  On a normal day, a half hour walk wouldn't even phase me.  But this day was hot.  It was already in the 90s by 11:00am, and the humidity and sun were oppressive.  By the time we got to the lecture I really thought for a few minutes that I was going to pass out.  I got to the I'm-so-hot-I'm-cold point and thought that was it.  I sat still and drank a bottle of water until I felt back to normal.

For the entirety of this heatwave, the news radio station I listen to has been constantly reminding listeners that the elderly and those who suffer from chronic illness should take extra care in this heat.  It didn't occur to me that I belong in that category until today, until I read that tweet.  I've been feeling so well for so long that I sometimes forget I have a chronic illness.  It hadn't occurred to me that the headache I couldn't get rid of this week was heat related.  Or that the heat is the reason I've been waking up in the morning feeling like I haven't slept a wink.  Or that the heat is causing the joint inflammation that is causing the feeling that my shoulder bones are grinding together as I type this.

I have been staying indoors in the air conditioning and drinking gallons of water, but maybe it's not possible to totally avoid the effects of extreme heat.  I walk around with a lot of pain a lot of the time, I think I'm just used to living with it.  But sometimes we must surrender.  The A/C is cranked up and I'm going to take a nap.     

Day 110 - An Announcement

Dear Crohnies, take heart.  For I have a story to tell.  I know not how it ends, but the middle is getting good!

I've been numbering my posts this year because I decided this year would be different.  I decided this would be the year I changed my direction and change my life.  I wanted to see how long it would take.

For the past eight years I've been working for the same company, in the same position for the past five or six years.  I can't say I've always hated my job but I can say I have never loved it.  It's not a horrible place to work;  my coworkers are great, I've learned so many things about so many things, I've saved some money, I have health insurance, they let a lot slide through my Crohniest of years...  But there are also some cons; women are not exactly treated as equals in the office, the health insurance hasn't always been the best, I don't get a lunch break, my boss can be incredibly demanding, I almost never leave the office on time, I have taken on so much that I barely have time to get a drink of water most days, my stress level is frequently off the charts...  I'm not going anywhere in my company, it's too convenient for my boss to keep me where I am.  I've gotten several raises and a few meaningless "promotions" that came with title changes but no real job promotion.  I am comfortable, stable but not happy with where I am.   

I've also been taking photos for most of the eight years I've been working there.  I became enamored with photography the minute I learned how to use a camera.  Puppy love became obsession which turned into an old, comfortable love then eventually just became a part of who I am.  There are millions of people out there who are content with photography as a hobby, but not I.  I decided I wanted photography to become my livelihood.  You know the old saying about do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life (or whatever).  I want to be that person.

I spent several years trying to figure out how I was going to do it, all the while taking photos.  I've taken photos of parties, babies, families, children, burlesque performers, famous actors, not-so-famous actors, friends, family members and total strangers.  I've spent months learning Photoshop and figuring out how to set up a website.  I've printed business cards, changed my website and printed new business cards, changed my name and printed yet more business cards.  I've applied for assistant jobs and entered contests.  I've gone to classes and lectures.  I've watched countless tutorials online and viewed millions of photos.  Now, I think I'm ready.

In the beginning of the year; amidst figuring out how my parents will go on after my father's stroke, traveling with my husband's hugely successful film, and busting my Crohn's addled butt at my aforementioned job; I put together a portfolio and an artist's statement and applied to a graduate photography program that seemed designed just for me.  The school is well-known, well-respected and smack in the middle of New York City.  The program accepts only a few people each year. Crohnies, I GOT IN!  I still cannot believe it.

In August, I will leave the office I've been practically living in for the past eight years to follow my dreams.  I have never been so excited about anything in my entire life.  I know it will be difficult and stressful.  Of course, I am worried that I will have problems switching to a new health insurance provider with my pre-existing condition.  I'm afraid that the stress will cause sleepless nights and flares, but far stronger than the fear is my excitement and hope for the future.  Who knows, maybe I'll fall flat on my face, but I'm a strong believer in hard work.  I think anyone can reach their goals if they are willing to do the work. 

Crohnies, I am living proof.  Take care of yourselves, be patient, keep a positive attitude, work hard and good things will happen.  We can have Crohn's Disease AND follow our dreams.

Day 106

Oh Paralyzing Nausea, I'd all but forgotten you!

Things have gotten really stressful at work. It's making me sick. I wish I didn't care so much. Why do I CARE? WHO CARES? Anyway, I felt more nauseous today than I have since my Crohn's went into remission. I just looked that post up and - holy crap - that was well over two years ago.

So I've been really spoiled with good health for a long time and I hate to complain but I will anyway. I was feeling incredibly nauseous and walked into a hot, smelly theater to watch shaky footage taken from a car accompanied by horribly loud, scrambled audio that wasn't synced properly. I almost died of nausea. I am sure that's possible now.

Okay, whining over. Tomorrow will be better.

Happy Chrohniedays!

I hit up the pharmacy this afternoon for my meds. It's only been a month since my insurance company started covering my prescriptions at 100%. I still cannot believe that I can walk into the pharmacy and walk out with my script without any money changing hands. It's like a layer of stress has been lifted from my shoulders. No more claim forms. No more angry calls to the insurance company (well, as soon as I get the rest of the flex payments they owe me for 2011).

A few weeks ago, my husband got the cold everyone seems to be passing around. I was fine for a week or so, then a coworker came down with a different variation of the bug. I guess my immune system had enough and I got it too. I feel much better than I did a few days ago but it seems to be lingering. I skipped my Humira last week (do you guys do this when you get sick?) in hopes that a little immune boost would do the trick. Who knows if that helped at all. My voice fades by the end of the day and my right ear feels a little waterlogged. I should probably call the doctor but, seriously, who has the time right now?

Holiday festivities begin here Thursday with an airport run then a quick trip in to the city to see the Rock Center tree before driving to my parents' house. I purchased my last Christmas gift today and wrapped everything. I ran out of Christmas paper three quarters of the way through so my niece is getting some books wrapped in flower paper. What? There's a recession!

I'm feeling pretty calm this year. I found some good sales, got some good gifts, have all my stuff together four whole days before Christmas. I'm looking forward to a stress-free holiday week and wishing the same for all my Crohnies!

2011

I was going to put writing off until the new year but just decided there is no reason to wait.

This year was complete insanity. We shot a film, my family grew by two (one husband (mine), one baby (not mine)), we battled cancer, we threw a huge wedding, I changed my name, we won awards, we planned for the future, we battled Crohn's.

All of these things were life-changing. No one thing completely changed me but each one altered my outlook on life. I feel the change. I feel like I am a very different person than I was on December 10, 2010. This year I feel more confident, I feel stronger, I feel hopeful, less restless. I know things now that I didn't know then.

I didn't think marriage would change a five-year, live-in relationship. I didn't think it would, but it has. I know my best friend will be right next to me, supporting me, for the rest of my life. I know my success is his success and my failures his failures (and vice versa). As much as I thought it wouldn't change, it has. Marriage is far more profound to me now that I have taken part. It does feel different. The change has come. We are married.

This year, I witnessed a new life come into this world. I was there through twelve hours of labor and literally held my sister as she gave birth. There was a lump in my sister's stomach and then, suddenly, another person in the room. A new life that we are all responsible for. We must do what we can to make sure she has what she needs to live a good life. My sister will take care of the baby's basic needs but the rest of us will surround her with love and teach her the things my sister can't teach her. We are in charge of spoiling her and letting her know we're on her side but her mom is right. I never realized I had the capacity to have so much love for someone I never met, but everything changed the second that baby was born. I have changed. I look forward to having my own someday soon.

I'm looking forward to another year of ups and downs (hopefully more ups than downs), another year of adventures with my best friend, another year of laughing until it hurts with my family.

Dear Crohnies, I know some years are harder than others. I know how difficult it is to get through the daily rigors of life when you are so sick for long periods of time. My wish for everyone for 2012 is for you to find what you love to do and do it. Whether it's a hobby or career or whatever, do it. We're all going to die.

The biggest lesson that was reconfirmed to me this year is that, no matter what happens, life is what you make it.

Advice?

Here we go again.

With all the travel and stress and burning the candle at both ends, it appears the Crohn's is coming back.

I've been having joint aches for about at least a month now. Then I went to the dentist who found gum inflammation out of the blue. Now my stomach is in on it. It's not bad yet but it's getting worse. The headaches are back, it's increasingly difficult to stumble out of bed in the morning and the fatigue is getting to me. I probably shouldn't complain too much,I've had a pretty good remission going for almost two years, but I probably will. I guess it's time to slow down.

I know I should call the doctor but I have a big decision to make. I really like my doctor. He is a good listener, he never rushes me out of his office or off the phone and he seems to care about my well being. That said, he's a little laid back for my personality, he's not a Crohn's specialist and I'm not sure how much experience he has with extra-intestinal symptoms.

Do I stick with my doctor? Do I find a Crohn's specialist? Do I try an integrative program which combines modern medicine with complementary alternative medicine? Does anyone have any experiences they would like to share regarding a doctor change or alternative medicine? We've got some big stuff coming up and I'm not prepared to have another two year bout with the Crohn's. Help!

Update

I survived the developing-country-film-shoot but barely. I was great for a few days but the unfamiliar food, lack of sleep and stress got to me. I had to skip a few meals but I made it out alive. The experience was amazing and I'm so glad to have had the opportunity. I ended up doing everything but taking photos, but it is a week (and a half) that I will always remember fondly.

The shoot came two weeks after my first skipped dose of Humira. I realize now that it was stupid to miss a dose but, at the time, I was feeling great and thought I would be fine missing one little injection. It was March and I was on my third Humira refill of the year. My insurance company had still not given me back a penny for 2011. I harassed them for weeks and made absolutely no progress. Each of my calls were met by a new diversion or straight up lie. Unending frustration. I had shelled out close to $6k for the year with no proof that I would ever see any reimbursement and I could not afford to spend another $2k, so I skipped it. A few hours before my flight, the insurance check arrived in the mail. Too little, too late.

I will never know if the trip would have been Crohn's free had I taken the Humira before I left. I will never know if I would have been ok skipping a dose if I were eating and sleeping comfortably at home. I do know that I felt much better a few days after I stuck myself upon my return. Thanks again, Humira.

I took three trips in the four weeks following the shoot and I can't say I was in good health. Flying kills my stomach. I don't know why. Even a short, one hour flight is enough to put my guts in knots. An even bigger problem is sticking to my regular food routine once I arrive at my destination. It's just impossible. Hopefully one day I will figure it out but, for now, for me, traveling means suffering. It's totally worth it.

I feel great! (Well, except for a couple of things.)

Today I had my first blood test in three months. It was just a regular old checkin-up-on-the-Humira test. My nurse told me I have a completely new face which, I think, was a compliment. The 6mp bloat is gone and I have some color. I know I look better. I feel better. My life is better. I just still don't feel great.

My stomach is almost 100% better. I rarely have any trouble digesting anything I eat - even the stuff I shouldn't be eating. I do, however, still have Crohn's belly after every meal. If I swallow anything, no matter how big or small, it results in a food baby. I still have some trouble if I'm in an uncomfortable situation or if I'm nervous - BUT - compared to last year at this time, I'm a new person. So, when I call for my results on Monday, do I complain about this stuff? Should I just shut up? I can eat now! I can leave my house after I eat! I can make it to work without getting off the train and running to find the nearest facilities! Do I have the right to complain about some minor (if embarrassing) discomfort?

Then there's the pain. I do still have some minor pain when I, uh, youknow. But I have other, more disruptive pain. There's a pain at the base of my neck, on my back, where my neck meets my shoulder. It's recurring. It's horrible. It's much worse when I'm stressed out.

And my legs. They still hurt. It's more of a stiffness in the morning. They feel strained when I go up and down stairs. By the end of the day it's a different kind of pain. It's an achy, crampy, swollen type of pain that makes me just want to sit with my feet up or lie down. I've also notice many, many visible blood vessels on my legs which weren't there just a few months ago.

Then there are the headaches. I still have them. Often. And they're sometimes drug-resistant and always incredibly disruptive. And they make me so tired. Do I tell my doctor?

I've told him a million times about the headaches but he seems to think it's from the Humira so it's either headaches or Crohn's.

The body aches? He will send me straight back to the Rheumatologist who will tell me it's either Arthritis or Fibromyalgia and I can go to physical therapy. But I don't want to go to physical therapy. I can't afford physical therapy nor do I have the spare time. I want to know what's wrong with me! I want to know what my options are!

How do I voice this to my doctor in a way that doesn't make me feel like a half-crazy, whiney baby?

Suggestions? Advice?

What? It's August?

Wow

This year started off like most others, for the first few weeks anyway. Then...

In January I got some good news, fantastic news. In February some bad news. March and April were trying and full of uncertainty. In May I witnessed a terrible loss. Since then I have not had a chance to stop and breathe.

It has been a year of nonstop travel and house guests. We have been so incredibly busy between hosting and packing and flying back in time to get to work and trying to take care of ourselves and eat well and get enough sleep while still finding time to do the laundry and clean the apartment before we have to pack up the suitcases again and maybeweshouldleaveeverythinginthesuitcasebecausewe'releavinginafewdaysagainanyway!!!!!

The last few years have been trying, some of the hardest of my life. I am so thankful now to have my health back for the most part. I am thankful to have my family. I have witnessed what it is to lose someone and I now appreciate my own family much more. I realize now that we don't have all the time in the world and I want to take advantage of what we have left.

I want to do everything I can now that I am physically able but my body lets me know when I've overdone it. I am still working on the play/work/rest balance and I suspect I will never quite work it out. The joint pain remains. I'm actually beginning to realize it's not necessarily my joints. I feel it in my neck and my muscles. I'm beginning to think it is Fibromyalgia as the rheumatologist suggested earlier in the year. It is disruptive at times and I think I will have to follow up, eventually, when my last flight lands in a few weeks.

Complications

Things are getting so complicated.

I'm stressed. My routine has been disrupted. I'm not sleeping well. I was wrong about the timing.

For the last few days my stomach's been a little off. Friday I was in a lot of pain - not my stomach - my joints, my bones, my muscles - I'm not sure what it was. My arms hurt, my hips, my toes...

I was brave today. I took two Tylenol and walked at least 50, 60, 75 blocks. I had some business to take care of. I had a cloudy head to clear. I had to get out of here.

I'm swollen, I hurt and my stomach is so so upset.

Remission My Butt, Literally

So I went out for dinner in my neighborhood last night. I played it safe and got the broiled snapper with rice pilaf. There was a very light lemon sauce on the fish which was delicious. I was really happy with my choice but my stomach wasn't.

I just didn't imagine remission would be like this. I thought remission would be like heaven or something.

Broken Record

Same old story: I'm battling it out with my insurance company again.

It turns out I haven't been getting any money from them because there's a glitch in the system. After I submit my claims for prescription reimbursement they get halfway through the process and the name of the prescription is removed from the claim so they reject it. I had to resubmit every claim since FEBRUARY.

I then found out that the reimbursement check for a trip to see a doctor in March was sent to the doctor. I paid in full, $570 dollars, before I left the office and the insurance company sent more money to the doctor. At this point they owe me about $4000 dollars. Do you know how many paychecks that is?

I am beyond frustrated. I do not know the words to express how I feel about this situation and the fact that I am going to have to deal with this for the foreseeable future. I could scream.

Timing

Life is strange.

I lived most of my life up to this point, not really with reckless abandon, in a less than thoughtful way I guess. I'm not a huge risk taker and I always consider the future before making a decision but I didn't necessarily treat my body as my temple. I have never been one to get enough sleep. I used to love to go out with the girls and have (more than) a few drinks. I generally ate reasonably healthy food, but I haven't really gotten enough exercise since high school.

When Crohn's hit I had to make a big change. I could no longer physically proceed with my life on the amount of sleep I was used to. Naps became a regular occurrence. I had to begin analyzing everything I put into my body. No more drinking or staying out late.

Now that I have a disease and have battled through a two-year flare my perspective is completely different. I appreciate my life and my health so much more than I ever could have before Crohn's. I am so thankful that I can clean my entire apartment in one day or do laundry in the morning and have enough energy to leave the house again in the afternoon. Don't get me wrong, I would absolutely send this disease back where it came from (the innermost reaches of the sewer system?) if I could - but I can't so I am learning from it.

We're going through some things here that I don't know if I could have handled a few months ago. The timing of my recovery from the latest and longest flare could not have come at a better time. I am in such a better place both physically and mentally than I was even a month ago.

These new developments have me appreciating the uncertainty of life. I know it's cliche but we really have no idea what could happen tomorrow. Life is short. There is no time to waste. Now is the time to get rid of the people who keep you from being your best. Those who make their support and love known deserve your support and love in return. Give it to them freely. Let them know you love them with your actions. Give hugs and kisses. Make yourself happy.

Ouch

Last night I felt a little rawness in my throat. I wasn't too worried about it as I've been feeling dehydrated lately and assumed my throat was dry like my hands are when I'm dehydrated. I drank another glass of water then went to bed.

When I woke up this morning it felt like someone was shining a spotlight in my face while choking me and stabbing me in the right side of my head. I think there was a siren and a whistle too.

I stumbled to the bathroom, found some Tylenol Cold and the thermometer and fell back into bed. I didn't have a fever but I wasn't going anywhere. I called in sick, took the medicine and slept for another five hours.

My right eye still feels like it's going to explode but otherwise either the sleep and/or medicine is working. I really hope this is just allergies or something. My next Humira injection is Monday and I'd really like to take it.

I'm going to finish this glass of water then back to bed.

Eggs - An Update

After my egg on Sunday I did have some stomach upset. It took several hours but it was definitely not normal. I think I have an egg problem.

What's the next step?

Eggs?

On weekends we like to sleep late and have a good breakfast. I always had more stomach issues on the weekends but I assumed for a long time that it was because of the volume of my breakfast as my weekday breakfast is much lighter.

I generally would have some egg whites and turkey bacon which, to a normal person, might seem like a light breakfast. For a Crohnie, it's playing with fire. Generally, I paid for these breakfasts as the stomach upset would start immediately after breakfast and continue throughout the day. Now that I'm feeling much better, I'm beginning to wonder if it's the eggs.

I'm still eating light most of the time and I'm not completely symptom free but the symptoms I'm having are far fewer and farther between than they have been for the past two years.

I was just thinking back to last weekend. I took a road trip to attend a wedding. Spending a weekend a few hours away from home and my comfortable food would have been incredibly anxiety inducing a few months ago. Now? Not as much. I was still a bit nervous and my stomach was uncomfortably distended for most of the trip but I didn't have to run to the bathroom at all - except once, soon after breakfast including egg whites!

I've decided to test my theory this morning. I don't have anywhere to go so... I finished an egg on a slice of gluten free toast with some cheddar at 10:00. I'll keep you updated.

Busy

This week I am pushing through the headaches and bloat and nothing fits around my waist. I've got lots to do - some fun and some not so much. I'm feeling lately like I've wasted too much time being sick and I want that to change.

So I'll be busy straight through the weekend, whether my guts like it or not.