Day 30

Some days (weeks, months) are taken over by difficult decisions based on difficult facts and difficult conclusions... not what I had it mind for this year.

No one ever tells you what this part of life is going to feel like. Adulthood can be a lonely place.

Day 24

Sometimes, not often, I take a car home from work. The city looks so different from the car. It looks so much bigger. The number of buildings and cars and people and restaurants... There are thousands of restaurants and all that food must be shipped in every day. Nothing grows in Manhattan. There are more people dining out in Manhattan right this minute than live in my entire hometown. Crazy.

Thus ends my stream of consciousness for the evening.

Day 23

After all the hype (and enough clips that we had seen most of the movie already) we watched The Help tonight. The story was inspirational, I suppose, but not likely at all to have happened.

I couldn't help but relate to some of the characters. Obviously my life is far easier than those depicted by the help, but working in an office that is not exactly leading in gender equality, we are sometimes treated like we are not fully human. Sometimes it's more like we are 80% person and 20% servant robot. Other times it's a fantastic place to work. Also, there's health insurance.

Anyway, I guess The Help was entertaining for what it is and another reminder that I need to do something with my life.

Day Nineteen

First goal reached. Stopped obsessing, hit "print" and sent in some grad school applications. Nothing left to do but wait and keep shooting.

2012, Day Five

I think I am pretty cool under pressure. I can handle travel emergencies, weather emergencies and medical emergencies but I cannot handle drama. Drama, especially drama just for drama's sake, makes me a total panicky mess. I can't handle it at all.

2012, Day Four

I am spreading myself too thin. I know what my problem is, but how do you fix a lifelong habit of making sure everyone's okay?

This year I gotta make some moves. Right now, there's a lot to do and only a few days to do it. I need a gigantic "Do Not Disturb" sign.

2012, Day Three

Some days I feel like I'm on top of the world. Some days I feel like I'm stuck under a Rock. Day 3 was a Rock day.

2012, Day Two

It's always unnerving when something jolts you out of your daily grind, the thing I despise most but is sometimes oddly comforting.

One of my all-time favorite commercials is for the New York Lottery Instant Games. The commercial features New Yorkers in their everyday routines wearing outfits that indicate what they would do if they won the lottery. So there's a woman in her office filing papers in a wedding dress and a barber wearing a captain's hat and life jacket. The song playing in the background asks "Are You Ready?". The premise is that everything can change in an instant and those people on the subway platform in their bathing suits are ready, are you? I love this commercial because I am definitely both a planner and a dreamer, and I so love the imagery. That bus driver in his tennis gear got the facial expression perfect.

I think we've all dreamed about what we would do if we suddenly came into a bunch of money or what our lives would be like if we landed that dream job, owned the house we've always wanted in our minds, had those kids we've always planned for. I've never dreamed about what would happen when my parents get old and can't care for themselves anymore. It sneaks up on you then, one day, smacks you in the face. I'm not sure anyone can ever be ready. To see the strong man who took care of me all of my life reduced to a pile on the floor who cannot help himself up is earth shattering. It changes the way the world looks. I definitely wasn't ready.

2012, Day One

Spent 12 hours in the emergency room.  Wiped out.