I feel great! (Well, except for a couple of things.)

Today I had my first blood test in three months. It was just a regular old checkin-up-on-the-Humira test. My nurse told me I have a completely new face which, I think, was a compliment. The 6mp bloat is gone and I have some color. I know I look better. I feel better. My life is better. I just still don't feel great.

My stomach is almost 100% better. I rarely have any trouble digesting anything I eat - even the stuff I shouldn't be eating. I do, however, still have Crohn's belly after every meal. If I swallow anything, no matter how big or small, it results in a food baby. I still have some trouble if I'm in an uncomfortable situation or if I'm nervous - BUT - compared to last year at this time, I'm a new person. So, when I call for my results on Monday, do I complain about this stuff? Should I just shut up? I can eat now! I can leave my house after I eat! I can make it to work without getting off the train and running to find the nearest facilities! Do I have the right to complain about some minor (if embarrassing) discomfort?

Then there's the pain. I do still have some minor pain when I, uh, youknow. But I have other, more disruptive pain. There's a pain at the base of my neck, on my back, where my neck meets my shoulder. It's recurring. It's horrible. It's much worse when I'm stressed out.

And my legs. They still hurt. It's more of a stiffness in the morning. They feel strained when I go up and down stairs. By the end of the day it's a different kind of pain. It's an achy, crampy, swollen type of pain that makes me just want to sit with my feet up or lie down. I've also notice many, many visible blood vessels on my legs which weren't there just a few months ago.

Then there are the headaches. I still have them. Often. And they're sometimes drug-resistant and always incredibly disruptive. And they make me so tired. Do I tell my doctor?

I've told him a million times about the headaches but he seems to think it's from the Humira so it's either headaches or Crohn's.

The body aches? He will send me straight back to the Rheumatologist who will tell me it's either Arthritis or Fibromyalgia and I can go to physical therapy. But I don't want to go to physical therapy. I can't afford physical therapy nor do I have the spare time. I want to know what's wrong with me! I want to know what my options are!

How do I voice this to my doctor in a way that doesn't make me feel like a half-crazy, whiney baby?

Suggestions? Advice?

I'm Engaged!

What? It's August?

Wow

This year started off like most others, for the first few weeks anyway. Then...

In January I got some good news, fantastic news. In February some bad news. March and April were trying and full of uncertainty. In May I witnessed a terrible loss. Since then I have not had a chance to stop and breathe.

It has been a year of nonstop travel and house guests. We have been so incredibly busy between hosting and packing and flying back in time to get to work and trying to take care of ourselves and eat well and get enough sleep while still finding time to do the laundry and clean the apartment before we have to pack up the suitcases again and maybeweshouldleaveeverythinginthesuitcasebecausewe'releavinginafewdaysagainanyway!!!!!

The last few years have been trying, some of the hardest of my life. I am so thankful now to have my health back for the most part. I am thankful to have my family. I have witnessed what it is to lose someone and I now appreciate my own family much more. I realize now that we don't have all the time in the world and I want to take advantage of what we have left.

I want to do everything I can now that I am physically able but my body lets me know when I've overdone it. I am still working on the play/work/rest balance and I suspect I will never quite work it out. The joint pain remains. I'm actually beginning to realize it's not necessarily my joints. I feel it in my neck and my muscles. I'm beginning to think it is Fibromyalgia as the rheumatologist suggested earlier in the year. It is disruptive at times and I think I will have to follow up, eventually, when my last flight lands in a few weeks.