I'm having trouble sleeping tonight. There is a sharp pain in my right knee that's radiating up my leg into my thigh. I wore some new shoes today, those minimal sneakers. (Not the toe shoes! I'll try not to judge you if you wear them.) I walked a lot and carried some heavy things up and down many stairs. I also have pain in my shoulders, though it's the kind that only hurts if I'm using those muscles. This leg pain is there no matter which position I choose. I just took two Tylenol. We'll see what happens.
This pain is familiar. It's been with me intermittently for most of my life. I remember lying in bed and trying to sleep as a small child, but the pain radiating up my leg wouldn't let me. The doctor said it was growing pains. I stopped growing almost 20 years ago.
For breakfast this morning, I had a boiled egg and tortilla with coffee. It wasn't too bad. I only had to go twice before I left. I want to give up the coffee but it's really all I have left. Is it so bad that I have one cup of coffee every morning? I skipped lunch because I didn't want to push my luck. For dinner, I finally cooked the dried black beans I've had in the cupboard for over a year. I think I was testing the waters. I had a small bowl and two ribs that I cooked in with the beans along with some homemade, baked corn tortilla chips. Aside from my normal post-meal bloat, it went pretty well! I guess the Humira is working.
I handed in my final requirements today and received my diploma in return. I officially have a master's degree. I'm a photographer. Officially.
Last night I had crazy, unsettling dreams. Nothing terrifying, just filled with stress and anxiety. I might be trying to avoid a repeat.
The family
that lives above us is running their air conditioner even though there is a nice, cool breeze blowing in over the water. The condensation
is steadily dripping onto our air conditioner below with a loud thwack,
thwack, thwack. I'm never going to sleep.
Showing posts with label Crohn's. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Crohn's. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Day 186
I read a tweet this morning about Crohnies and extreme heat and it got me to thinking...
It's been hot here in New York. Really hot. For months (okay, more like a week). I "don't do well" in the heat. I haven't since I was young. I used to play softball in the summer and, while everyone else was doing just fine, my face would turn bright red and I would not be able to cool down. I remember jumping in the community pool after the games and feeling my face burn against the cool water. It would take me hours to return to normal.
Then there's now. We went to a photography school/gallery/cool, temporary space made from freight containers last weekend (http://photovillenyc.org/). The walk to the park wasn't so bad, but we ended up entering the wrong side of the park and walking in the sun for, I don't know, ten minutes? Now, I just want to say here, I am a walker. I live in New York. We walk and we walk fast. It's part of living here. On a normal day, a half hour walk wouldn't even phase me. But this day was hot. It was already in the 90s by 11:00am, and the humidity and sun were oppressive. By the time we got to the lecture I really thought for a few minutes that I was going to pass out. I got to the I'm-so-hot-I'm-cold point and thought that was it. I sat still and drank a bottle of water until I felt back to normal.
For the entirety of this heatwave, the news radio station I listen to has been constantly reminding listeners that the elderly and those who suffer from chronic illness should take extra care in this heat. It didn't occur to me that I belong in that category until today, until I read that tweet. I've been feeling so well for so long that I sometimes forget I have a chronic illness. It hadn't occurred to me that the headache I couldn't get rid of this week was heat related. Or that the heat is the reason I've been waking up in the morning feeling like I haven't slept a wink. Or that the heat is causing the joint inflammation that is causing the feeling that my shoulder bones are grinding together as I type this.
I have been staying indoors in the air conditioning and drinking gallons of water, but maybe it's not possible to totally avoid the effects of extreme heat. I walk around with a lot of pain a lot of the time, I think I'm just used to living with it. But sometimes we must surrender. The A/C is cranked up and I'm going to take a nap.
It's been hot here in New York. Really hot. For months (okay, more like a week). I "don't do well" in the heat. I haven't since I was young. I used to play softball in the summer and, while everyone else was doing just fine, my face would turn bright red and I would not be able to cool down. I remember jumping in the community pool after the games and feeling my face burn against the cool water. It would take me hours to return to normal.
Then there's now. We went to a photography school/gallery/cool, temporary space made from freight containers last weekend (http://photovillenyc.org/). The walk to the park wasn't so bad, but we ended up entering the wrong side of the park and walking in the sun for, I don't know, ten minutes? Now, I just want to say here, I am a walker. I live in New York. We walk and we walk fast. It's part of living here. On a normal day, a half hour walk wouldn't even phase me. But this day was hot. It was already in the 90s by 11:00am, and the humidity and sun were oppressive. By the time we got to the lecture I really thought for a few minutes that I was going to pass out. I got to the I'm-so-hot-I'm-cold point and thought that was it. I sat still and drank a bottle of water until I felt back to normal.
For the entirety of this heatwave, the news radio station I listen to has been constantly reminding listeners that the elderly and those who suffer from chronic illness should take extra care in this heat. It didn't occur to me that I belong in that category until today, until I read that tweet. I've been feeling so well for so long that I sometimes forget I have a chronic illness. It hadn't occurred to me that the headache I couldn't get rid of this week was heat related. Or that the heat is the reason I've been waking up in the morning feeling like I haven't slept a wink. Or that the heat is causing the joint inflammation that is causing the feeling that my shoulder bones are grinding together as I type this.
I have been staying indoors in the air conditioning and drinking gallons of water, but maybe it's not possible to totally avoid the effects of extreme heat. I walk around with a lot of pain a lot of the time, I think I'm just used to living with it. But sometimes we must surrender. The A/C is cranked up and I'm going to take a nap.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Day 110 - An Announcement
Dear Crohnies, take heart. For I have a story to tell. I know not how it ends, but the middle is getting good!
I've been numbering my posts this year because I decided this year would be different. I decided this would be the year I changed my direction and change my life. I wanted to see how long it would take.
For the past eight years I've been working for the same company, in the same position for the past five or six years. I can't say I've always hated my job but I can say I have never loved it. It's not a horrible place to work; my coworkers are great, I've learned so many things about so many things, I've saved some money, I have health insurance, they let a lot slide through my Crohniest of years... But there are also some cons; women are not exactly treated as equals in the office, the health insurance hasn't always been the best, I don't get a lunch break, my boss can be incredibly demanding, I almost never leave the office on time, I have taken on so much that I barely have time to get a drink of water most days, my stress level is frequently off the charts... I'm not going anywhere in my company, it's too convenient for my boss to keep me where I am. I've gotten several raises and a few meaningless "promotions" that came with title changes but no real job promotion. I am comfortable, stable but not happy with where I am.
I've also been taking photos for most of the eight years I've been working there. I became enamored with photography the minute I learned how to use a camera. Puppy love became obsession which turned into an old, comfortable love then eventually just became a part of who I am. There are millions of people out there who are content with photography as a hobby, but not I. I decided I wanted photography to become my livelihood. You know the old saying about do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life (or whatever). I want to be that person.
I spent several years trying to figure out how I was going to do it, all the while taking photos. I've taken photos of parties, babies, families, children, burlesque performers, famous actors, not-so-famous actors, friends, family members and total strangers. I've spent months learning Photoshop and figuring out how to set up a website. I've printed business cards, changed my website and printed new business cards, changed my name and printed yet more business cards. I've applied for assistant jobs and entered contests. I've gone to classes and lectures. I've watched countless tutorials online and viewed millions of photos. Now, I think I'm ready.
In the beginning of the year; amidst figuring out how my parents will go on after my father's stroke, traveling with my husband's hugely successful film, and busting my Crohn's addled butt at my aforementioned job; I put together a portfolio and an artist's statement and applied to a graduate photography program that seemed designed just for me. The school is well-known, well-respected and smack in the middle of New York City. The program accepts only a few people each year. Crohnies, I GOT IN! I still cannot believe it.
In August, I will leave the office I've been practically living in for the past eight years to follow my dreams. I have never been so excited about anything in my entire life. I know it will be difficult and stressful. Of course, I am worried that I will have problems switching to a new health insurance provider with my pre-existing condition. I'm afraid that the stress will cause sleepless nights and flares, but far stronger than the fear is my excitement and hope for the future. Who knows, maybe I'll fall flat on my face, but I'm a strong believer in hard work. I think anyone can reach their goals if they are willing to do the work.
Crohnies, I am living proof. Take care of yourselves, be patient, keep a positive attitude, work hard and good things will happen. We can have Crohn's Disease AND follow our dreams.
I've been numbering my posts this year because I decided this year would be different. I decided this would be the year I changed my direction and change my life. I wanted to see how long it would take.
For the past eight years I've been working for the same company, in the same position for the past five or six years. I can't say I've always hated my job but I can say I have never loved it. It's not a horrible place to work; my coworkers are great, I've learned so many things about so many things, I've saved some money, I have health insurance, they let a lot slide through my Crohniest of years... But there are also some cons; women are not exactly treated as equals in the office, the health insurance hasn't always been the best, I don't get a lunch break, my boss can be incredibly demanding, I almost never leave the office on time, I have taken on so much that I barely have time to get a drink of water most days, my stress level is frequently off the charts... I'm not going anywhere in my company, it's too convenient for my boss to keep me where I am. I've gotten several raises and a few meaningless "promotions" that came with title changes but no real job promotion. I am comfortable, stable but not happy with where I am.
I've also been taking photos for most of the eight years I've been working there. I became enamored with photography the minute I learned how to use a camera. Puppy love became obsession which turned into an old, comfortable love then eventually just became a part of who I am. There are millions of people out there who are content with photography as a hobby, but not I. I decided I wanted photography to become my livelihood. You know the old saying about do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life (or whatever). I want to be that person.
I spent several years trying to figure out how I was going to do it, all the while taking photos. I've taken photos of parties, babies, families, children, burlesque performers, famous actors, not-so-famous actors, friends, family members and total strangers. I've spent months learning Photoshop and figuring out how to set up a website. I've printed business cards, changed my website and printed new business cards, changed my name and printed yet more business cards. I've applied for assistant jobs and entered contests. I've gone to classes and lectures. I've watched countless tutorials online and viewed millions of photos. Now, I think I'm ready.
In the beginning of the year; amidst figuring out how my parents will go on after my father's stroke, traveling with my husband's hugely successful film, and busting my Crohn's addled butt at my aforementioned job; I put together a portfolio and an artist's statement and applied to a graduate photography program that seemed designed just for me. The school is well-known, well-respected and smack in the middle of New York City. The program accepts only a few people each year. Crohnies, I GOT IN! I still cannot believe it.
In August, I will leave the office I've been practically living in for the past eight years to follow my dreams. I have never been so excited about anything in my entire life. I know it will be difficult and stressful. Of course, I am worried that I will have problems switching to a new health insurance provider with my pre-existing condition. I'm afraid that the stress will cause sleepless nights and flares, but far stronger than the fear is my excitement and hope for the future. Who knows, maybe I'll fall flat on my face, but I'm a strong believer in hard work. I think anyone can reach their goals if they are willing to do the work.
Crohnies, I am living proof. Take care of yourselves, be patient, keep a positive attitude, work hard and good things will happen. We can have Crohn's Disease AND follow our dreams.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Day 106
Oh Paralyzing Nausea, I'd all but forgotten you!
Things have gotten really stressful at work. It's making me sick. I wish I didn't care so much. Why do I CARE? WHO CARES? Anyway, I felt more nauseous today than I have since my Crohn's went into remission. I just looked that post up and - holy crap - that was well over two years ago.
So I've been really spoiled with good health for a long time and I hate to complain but I will anyway. I was feeling incredibly nauseous and walked into a hot, smelly theater to watch shaky footage taken from a car accompanied by horribly loud, scrambled audio that wasn't synced properly. I almost died of nausea. I am sure that's possible now.
Okay, whining over. Tomorrow will be better.
Things have gotten really stressful at work. It's making me sick. I wish I didn't care so much. Why do I CARE? WHO CARES? Anyway, I felt more nauseous today than I have since my Crohn's went into remission. I just looked that post up and - holy crap - that was well over two years ago.
So I've been really spoiled with good health for a long time and I hate to complain but I will anyway. I was feeling incredibly nauseous and walked into a hot, smelly theater to watch shaky footage taken from a car accompanied by horribly loud, scrambled audio that wasn't synced properly. I almost died of nausea. I am sure that's possible now.
Okay, whining over. Tomorrow will be better.
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