Day 86

I'm not really a carsick person, but I am in the back of a cab right now and I'm not sure if I'm going to make it home. I could roll down the window or I have a plastic bag in my purse or I could open the door if traffic stops again. Having a plan makes me feel better, but this gum is not helping. Oh man, we just passed the the water treatment plant. Maybe I should just ask him to let me off here on the side of the highway. Nauseated ramblings...

Day 88

My days are often a blur.

I got up early this morning to load equipment into my car. I then sat in so much traffic that I was late for work. Before I got to my desk I had three messages and at least six emails waiting for me. I took on an extra project at work so I spent the first hour catching up on the usual stuff before spending a couple of hours taking head shots for my company. I spent lunch catching up with a friend who had to see her grandfather off to hospice over the weekend, then ate at my desk while I tried again to catch up on my work, give my sister beltway directions around DC from my desk in NY and find a replacement flight for my mother whose flight back from Florida was cancelled. I spent the rest of the afternoon catching up on work and editing photos then finished the day with a call from my boss (ten minutes before I was supposed to leave) who had a few more things for me to work on. I took a short walk with a friend before heading off to a lecture, then met my husband at the subway station where we picked up tacos from a truck to eat on the train ride home.

I long for moments of silence or a few minutes to read something for pleasure or catch up on the news. My father, however, spends his days waiting for something to happen, for someone to stop by, for the phone to ring. He recently had a stroke and was forced to retire. He can't drive himself anywhere or reload ammunition (formerly his favorite hobby). Phone calls from his children are sometimes the highlight of his day so I do my best to call him at least once each day. I called him, today, on my walk from the lecture to the subway. It was a short walk, but it was the only time I had. He was disappointed that I only had a minute and couldn't talk longer. He told me I always call when I only have a minute.

If only I could swap some of my crazy for some of his calm. The way this whole life thing can pan out is so cruel.

Day 72

“I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.”

― Charles M. Schulz

Day 64

I had a very strange and vivid dream this morning. It started with a subway ride. I had accidentally gotten on the tourist train and it took me to a track side ice cream stand instead of my office. Most of my aunts were on the train. All of the ice cream had gluten in it. Eventually the train dropped me off at high school. I was a little late for class but I wasn't in trouble. I went to a couple of classes then the dream proceeded to cycle through all of the loose ends in my life until they were all neatly tied up. The super even showed up to fix the holes in the ceiling!

I woke up to the clanging of the radiator. But a dream within a dream...