Decisions, Decisions

I don't know what happened. I feel like I am stuck in some sort of time warp or something. Are there really only four days left in September?

Since I've been feeling better I feel like I've been going at life full speed. I've been out of town most weekends this year which has been great but exhausting. I'm doing much more socially and otherwise, and it feels really good. Then there's this whole wedding planning thing...

Since we've been engaged we've been making plans (then changing those plans (over and over)). Everyone wants to know how it's going, what we're planning, how far we've gotten, what's the date, where's the wedding, am I going to go to Kleinfeld's, are we going to make sure the wedding is near hotels, the airport, have I thought about making my own dress, and on and on and on and on.

In the beginning, we both kinda got wrapped up in all the silly wedding stuff. As time goes by, I do more and more research and hear more and more ridiculousness from potential wedding guests. I am, at this point, over it. I have decided that six month's rent for an open bar is absolutely absurd even if the venue is near the airport. We are not going to spend a zillion dollars for some stuffy affair that is so not us because it would be more convenient for some people who have never traveled to visit us before and will likely never travel to visit us again. If our venue is too far from the airport or too late in the year, they can stay home.

I will be making some concessions. I will probably wear a white dress, although I will not spend four figures on said dress. I will invite a bunch of people who have nothing to do with my life on a daily (montly, yearly) basis but I will not spend $150 on each of their dinners. I'm not going to spend my life savings to impress a bunch of people who live in other parts of this country and world with whom we have no regular contact. It's all incredibly illogical to me.

I take my relationship, my fiance and my life plans very seriously but, as it turns out, our life is dictated by the decisions we make, not by the convenience of our plans for our extended families. We do not live near either of our families and, although we speak to our parents on a daily basis, they have very little to do with the decisions we make and the way we live our lives. We love each other and respect each other and make a pretty good team. None of this will change because we are married.

So - we are going to have a party. One where a friend marries us and we will eat popcorn and gravy fries and keep some of our money in our savings account. I don't think most of our family will get it, some of them will make jokes and have lots of criticism to share between them but I have decided that's not important. We are going to have a wedding to make our parents happy but we're going to do it in a way that makes us happy.

Phew!

Crohnie

I feel great! (Well, except for a couple of things.)

Today I had my first blood test in three months. It was just a regular old checkin-up-on-the-Humira test. My nurse told me I have a completely new face which, I think, was a compliment. The 6mp bloat is gone and I have some color. I know I look better. I feel better. My life is better. I just still don't feel great.

My stomach is almost 100% better. I rarely have any trouble digesting anything I eat - even the stuff I shouldn't be eating. I do, however, still have Crohn's belly after every meal. If I swallow anything, no matter how big or small, it results in a food baby. I still have some trouble if I'm in an uncomfortable situation or if I'm nervous - BUT - compared to last year at this time, I'm a new person. So, when I call for my results on Monday, do I complain about this stuff? Should I just shut up? I can eat now! I can leave my house after I eat! I can make it to work without getting off the train and running to find the nearest facilities! Do I have the right to complain about some minor (if embarrassing) discomfort?

Then there's the pain. I do still have some minor pain when I, uh, youknow. But I have other, more disruptive pain. There's a pain at the base of my neck, on my back, where my neck meets my shoulder. It's recurring. It's horrible. It's much worse when I'm stressed out.

And my legs. They still hurt. It's more of a stiffness in the morning. They feel strained when I go up and down stairs. By the end of the day it's a different kind of pain. It's an achy, crampy, swollen type of pain that makes me just want to sit with my feet up or lie down. I've also notice many, many visible blood vessels on my legs which weren't there just a few months ago.

Then there are the headaches. I still have them. Often. And they're sometimes drug-resistant and always incredibly disruptive. And they make me so tired. Do I tell my doctor?

I've told him a million times about the headaches but he seems to think it's from the Humira so it's either headaches or Crohn's.

The body aches? He will send me straight back to the Rheumatologist who will tell me it's either Arthritis or Fibromyalgia and I can go to physical therapy. But I don't want to go to physical therapy. I can't afford physical therapy nor do I have the spare time. I want to know what's wrong with me! I want to know what my options are!

How do I voice this to my doctor in a way that doesn't make me feel like a half-crazy, whiney baby?

Suggestions? Advice?

I'm Engaged!