2012, Day Two

It's always unnerving when something jolts you out of your daily grind, the thing I despise most but is sometimes oddly comforting.

One of my all-time favorite commercials is for the New York Lottery Instant Games. The commercial features New Yorkers in their everyday routines wearing outfits that indicate what they would do if they won the lottery. So there's a woman in her office filing papers in a wedding dress and a barber wearing a captain's hat and life jacket. The song playing in the background asks "Are You Ready?". The premise is that everything can change in an instant and those people on the subway platform in their bathing suits are ready, are you? I love this commercial because I am definitely both a planner and a dreamer, and I so love the imagery. That bus driver in his tennis gear got the facial expression perfect.

I think we've all dreamed about what we would do if we suddenly came into a bunch of money or what our lives would be like if we landed that dream job, owned the house we've always wanted in our minds, had those kids we've always planned for. I've never dreamed about what would happen when my parents get old and can't care for themselves anymore. It sneaks up on you then, one day, smacks you in the face. I'm not sure anyone can ever be ready. To see the strong man who took care of me all of my life reduced to a pile on the floor who cannot help himself up is earth shattering. It changes the way the world looks. I definitely wasn't ready.

I Don't Like Spiders And Snakes...

So I have a few irrational fears. Who doesn't?

I have always been afraid of bugs for no reason (aside from this movie), I get nervous butterflies before I get on a roller coaster (a few summers working in an amusement park will make anyone wary) but the one fear I have that is completely unexplainable is needles. I've never had any sort of bad experience with needles. I was reasonably healthy for the first 24 years of my life and didn't have any more injections than the next person. Yet, for some unknown, ridiculous reason, I am terrified of needles.

Just thinking about a needle is enough to make me nauseous. My diabetic grandmother used to ask us to get her needle from the fridge for her. I would send my little sister. Time for a blood test? If I thought about it too far in advance I would be so nervous by the time I got to the doctor's office I wouldn't be able to sit still.

I never thought I would have to actually pick up a needle and inject myself. It gives me the willies. I try not to think about it until it's time. I try to make sure I'm nice and relaxed but I just can't help it. I had my sixth injection tonight and I'm just not sure I'll ever get used to it.